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I am someone who believes that it is always possible to change. I believe you absolutely are able to train a seasoned creature, on the condition that the experienced individual is receptive and ready for growth. Provided that the old dog is prepared to acknowledge when it was wrong, and work to become a better dog.

Alright, I confess, I am the old dog. And the trick I am trying to learn, despite the fact that I am set in my ways? It is an major undertaking, something I have struggled with, repeatedly, for my all my days. The quest I'm on … to grow less fearful of huntsman spiders. Apologies to all the other spiders that exist; I have to be pragmatic about my possible growth as a human. The focus must remain on the huntsman because it is imposing, commanding, and the one I see with the greatest frequency. This includes three times in the previous seven days. Within my dwelling. I'm not visible to you, but a shudder runs through me at the very thought as I type.

I'm skeptical I’ll ever reach “fan” status, but I’ve been working on at least attaining a standard level of composure about them.

An intense phobia regarding spiders since I was a child (unlike other children who are fascinated by them). Growing up, I had plenty of male siblings around to make sure I never had to engage with any myself, but I still panicked if one was visibly in the same room as me. Vividly, I recall of one morning when I was eight, my family unconscious, and attempting to manage a spider that had ascended the living room surface. I “handled” with it by retreating to a remote corner, almost into the next room (for fear that it pursued me), and emptying half a bottle of bug repellent toward it. The spray failed to hit the spider, but it succeeded in affecting and irritate everyone in my house.

In my adult life, my romantic partner at the time or cohabiting with was, by default, the most courageous of spiders out of the two of us, and therefore responsible for handling the situation, while I produced whimpers of distress and beat a hasty retreat. In moments of solitude, my method was simply to vacate the area, turn off the light and try to forget about its being before I had to re-enter.

In a recent episode, I visited a pal's residence where there was a particularly sizable huntsman who lived in the window frame, for the most part lingering. As a means to be less fearful, I conceptualized the spider as a 'girlie', a girlie, one of us, just chilling in the sun and listening to us yap. Admittedly, it appears rather silly, but it worked (a little bit). Or, actively deciding to become more fearless worked.

Regardless, I’ve tried to keep it up. I reflect upon all the sensible justifications not to be scared. I am aware huntsman spiders pose no threat to me. I recognize they eat things like insect pests (my mortal enemies). It is well-established they are one of nature’s beautiful, harmless-to-humans creatures.

Yet, regrettably, they do continue to move like that. They move in the most terrifying and almost unjust way imaginable. The sight of their multiple limbs carrying them at that alarming velocity induces my caveman brain to go into high alert. They are said to only have eight legs, but I am convinced that multiplies when they get going.

Yet it isn’t their fault that they have frightening appendages, and they have an equal entitlement to be where I am – if not more. My experience has shown that employing the techniques of trying not to instantly leap out of my body and retreat when I see one, working to keep composed and breathing steadily, and deliberately thinking about their good points, has proven somewhat effective.

The mere fact that they are furry beings that dart around extremely quickly in a way that invades my dreams, does not justify they warrant my loathing, or my high-pitched vocalizations. I am willing to confess when my reactions have been misguided and driven by baseless terror. I’m not sure I’ll ever make it to the “scooping one into plasticware and taking it outside” level, but you never know. Some life is left within this seasoned learner yet.